03-17-22 Performance Report: Wormkiller

[HR@PaneraBread]

Rather than spew a bunch of stats at you, as is customary with these inter-branch reports I keep receiving, management has decided that the best way to motivate you is to highlight all instances of individual malfeasance, violence, pedophilia, misogyny, pedophilia, racism, sexism, pedophilia, homophobia, card carrying, pedophilia and all the miscellaneous ways in which you continue to disappoint us. This will be conducted on a public and one to one basis.

With all that being said

@WormKiller

in the last weeks you have
- come to work dressed as a teenage girl
- started a cat fight with @captain_kamala on the shop floor (she's a senior executive and a POC whch makes us look like we're Eastern euro dogs) whilst dressed as said girl
- professed your undying love for Christina Ricci to literally every paying customer to walk in the building
- hosted a drunken "AMA" (whatever the fuck that is) in the breakroom
- continued a days long argument with prospective employees on the doorstep of the branch (or whatever the fuck that was, all i heard was the word 'Volkov" over and over again, is that some faggy code for ass to mouth or some queer shit?)

It is for all of these reasons amongst others that we are proud to award you with the employee of the month award for March. This little thing of beauty is on it's way to your house as we speak

now get back work, faggot

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

Nice bit, stupid.

 

[HatRemovalService]

Nice bit, stupid.

Not the worst piece of shit I’ve ever read that’s fer true

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

Not the worst piece of shit I’ve ever read that’s fer true

It's better than anything Pat has written, but that doesn't say much.

 

[HR@PaneraBread]

It's better than anything Pat has written, but that doesn't say much.

When you have to field calls from employees claiming they can't make their morning shift because Genesis is reforming, you can sling all the shit you want. Until then, pipe the fuck down.

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

When you have to field call from employees claiming they can't make their morning shift because Genesis is reforming, you can sling all the shit you want. Until then, pipe the fuck down.

You're no Greg Schinkel!

 

[HR@PaneraBread]

You're no Greg Schinkel!

and you're no junior deputy supervisor

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

and you're no junior deputy supervisor

@WormKiller is this your next attempt at a "hilarious" bit account?

 

[HR@PaneraBread]

@WormKiller is this your next attempt at a "hilarious" bit account?

sure, why not

 

[guest]

I liked this bit(Though the review could'vebeen funnier considering the content available), but if it's wormkiller and he gave the first EOTM to himself...That would be another embarrassing moment.

 

[HR@PaneraBread]

Lol yeah you got me this is @WormKiller again. I never got over the @AnusLicker bit not landing.

Drat. foiled again

 

[Harry Powell]

I don’t think worm killer is this articulate

 

[ShutYourCakeHorn]

Lol yeah you got me this is @WormKiller again. I never got over the @AnusLicker bit not landing.

Drat. foiled again

 

[HR@PaneraBread]

I liked this bit(Though the review could'vebeen funnier considering the content available), but if it's wormkiller and he gave the first EOTM to himself...That would be another embarrassing moment.

You can't talk to me like that, i'm the employee of the month, child

 

[UnPRePared]

When you have to field calls from employees claiming they can't make their morning shift because Genesis is reforming, you can sling all the shit you want. Until then, pipe the fuck down.

Yes, child, Genesis did reform. No, child, they did not call me.

Please, do have fun.

 

[alkiefuck2]

stop giving in right away you bi faggot, coulda been a good fawkin bit

 

[HR@PaneraBread]

stop giving in right away you bi faggot, coulda been a good fawkin bit

Hi alkiefuck, thanks for getting in touch.



I think you may have misinterpretted our subterfuge, eager young sales assistant. I'm not sure Wormkiller has even seen this yet (after all the effort we put in. Not even a rib, Italians are fucking useless)

Look, last night's quarterly earnings post-party at our London retreat got a little outta hand. On thing led to another and we came up with the EOTM after Stem Cell Martini #5. Once we saw the immediate disdain with which our good deed was treated, Don Panera decided it'd be better to sow some dissention in the ranks and pretend it's Wormkiller giving himself the award. He's been acting erratic and with renewed forcefullness recently. I'm getting concerned. I didn't want to pretend to be Wormkiller. It just kinda happened. It was quite funny though.

We weren't going to throw that one in there but it was too perfect. The guy has been pretending he's someone new every day....corporate thought he'd be the perfect one to turn against the entire branch anyway. He gave us just enough rope to hang him with.

But I thank you for bringing this to me. You're on the shortlist for april, skipper. Now if you'll excuse me my head hurts like fuck

 

[guest]

This is amazing. Thank you very much, and I will continue to make you proud.

 

[HR@PaneraBread]

We love ya, you big bisexual tyrannosaurus!

 

[guest]

stop giving in right away you bi faggot, coulda been a good fawkin bit

WormKiller folds so easily under questioning, you muttering stuttering prick ya.